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14.12.01 02:47

George Lucas hates you

Seite 1

Artikel: I am a Star Wars fan. I am an Original Trilogy Star Wars fan. I guess like the distinction between Star Trek - The Original Series and Next Generation fans I find myself siding with the originals in each case and not just to be all snooty, "ooh look at me I hate everything new" either.
I was looking forward to The Phantom Menace, stupid title and all. I didn´t like what Lucas had done to the OT with the Special Edition re-releases but I could understand the need to give the ordinary Joe something fancy to "Ooh" and "Ahh" at.
I saw Episode One at a midnight showing here in Sydney. I´d seen the trailers I´d heard the bad word but was still enthused. We all cheered when "Lucasfilm" and "A Long Time Ago In A Galaxy far Far Away..." came up.
I started to see cracks when Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were just basically two boring guys in bathrobes talking crap at each other but I ploughed on (I actually enjoyed the Neimoidians or whatever they´re called).
As the film progressed I found myself sinking further and further down into my seat as it went on. "Meesa called Jar Jar Binks" almost caused me to break my tailbone as I just about fell through my seat. During the stupid four hour long whacked-out racers sequence I ripped up the soles of my shoes with all the toe curling. "Yippee!!!" made me grind a thin layer off each tooth. I was just plain angry when Darth Maul was killed after having been the most overhyped bad guy ever, he says three lines - if that - and is killed with an "oops" expression on his face.
When it was finally over we all went across to the street to the, now bankrupt, Planet Hollywood. Where we ate and drank and I listened to as much from the Lucas apologists camp as I could handle. Then I told them how it was actually a bad film, a very bad film. Plain and simple. The reasons being many and varied. (The list is too long to bother including, besides you all know the reasons by now).
They looked at me like I´d just raped Mother Theresa and wiped myself clean with the "Shroud Of Turin". So I left them to blow each other over who was the biggest fan.
At the time I was writing for a Weekly Television magazine and found myself in a position to publicly shred this abysmal film for its blatant disregard for storytelling and narrative, character, acting, direction, etc. Unfortunately good reviews had already been paid for due to advertising contracts and product tie ins and my review was not what the advertisers had demanded.




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